Wednesday, December 9, 2009


"the motivation for me is them telling me what i can not be." -pharell jay-z


i just came to a realization, one that everyone else seemed to have already known. i guess you gotta learn things for yourself ya kno. well i know now. I trust myself because you cant trust anyone but yourself. now i dont mean this in the most blunt way. I do trust some. but i mostly mean this relationship wise. I mean that with my heart, i only trust myself because i know i love myself and i know that you dont love me. i made the mistake of forgetting that but never again. =] realization

bit your tongue

ok. my parents, in particular my father, has been making some very interesting comments and complaints against myself and other family members. I find it sooo hard to bit my tongue and say nothing. im trying to lower my tension in my house hold. and thought i will be 18 ,three months to be exact, and none of it will matter, i say nothing except "ok". sucks for my mom though cuz she'll still be here when im gone.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

3 things

three things you will always need: ambition, motivation and fashion sense..everything else stems for them. ----quote me

Sunday, December 6, 2009

wow. haven't been here in a while. i guess ive been busy. but im gonna make a promise to myself to keep writing. hopefully its on my blog but if not it will be on napkins and notebook sheets.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Currently: iam STILL trying to figure out what to wear to this party(of a girl i really dont know) hopefully i look good...i take pride in that. [update]

Thursday, April 9, 2009

day 6

okk, soo i know ive been gone for awhile..srry. hopefully if time allows i'll be back in action soon.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Day 6

Ok so for my creative writing class we had to write a short story and ummm here's mine...

Lola in a Sundress

Her wild hair glistened and its black color seemed to swallow the light and shoot it back at you. She glowed. The sundress contrasted her dark hair so strongly that it caused him to squint a little. She slowly walked up the sidewalk by the lake, toward the bench where he sat. “Hello, I’m Lola” said the young lady, extending here dainty caramel hand and taking a seat next to him. He stared, not sure weather to shake her hand or to kiss it or to bow in her presence. He went with a shake. “I’m Jacob” he replied “..but most people call me Jake… but I mean.. I…you… you can call me Jacob if you’d like or Jake…I mean either one is fine..” He began to ramble on about him name. Lola just smiled politely and listened. After about 2 minutes she kindly said “How about… I just call u Jake?” “O yea, that’s cool” He replied trying to regain his composure but, he could not. The pale boy was unmatched in comparison to her indigenous beauty.

“Well I gotta go…I gotta get my stuff for school to tomorrow. I’m starting at Lake Trent

“Your coming to MY school..?”

“Yea I guess…I just moved her from Georgia” she replied with a slight giggle responding to his shock.

“Oh.. well I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then.. Lola”

“Yes you will… Jake”

There was a awkward pause and then Lola turned and got up. They didn’t say bye. She just smiled and walked away. Jake stared out on to the lake. He thought about how happy he was he had took the run in the park this morning. How happy he was that he got tired and decide to sit on this bench. After feeding the ducks for a while he got up and started jogging back toward home, the opposite way that Lola had walked.

The Next day, Jake made sure to get to school a little early. He figured he would aid in the office today, for extra school hours. Well at least that’s what he told all his friends as he passed by there usual morning hangout spot. Really, he knew that being a new student and all, Lola would be waiting in the office to talk to the principle and get her new schedule. And just like the sun and moon, there she was. She was sitting in a chair next to the door. Jake actually passed her when he first walked in but when he went behind the sectaries desk to take a seat he saw her. She was simply dressed. A blue t-shirt, with a white cardigan, a jean skirt and small wedge sandals. Her hair was wild like before only this time she had on a head band like she had tried to tame the front. So simple he though yet so beautiful. She looked up from the books on her lap and smiled at him. “Hi Jake” she mouthed from across the room. This time he would remember to keep cool. He gave a small nod being sure to flip his hair. But she was already back to looking at her books.

Jake basically skipped all his classes that day. He begged Principle Bergin to let him be Lola’s guide for her first day. After much persuasion he agreed.

Jake cared her books and walked her to all her classes. They talked about everything for easy ‘A’ teachers to what spots to ditch class at. She’s so down to earth he thought. Although he had noticed a sort of sadness in her brown eyes, just on the other side. As though she had a story to tell but kept it in her heart. He hoped one day she would tell him. Jake forgot the world that day. Lola was the center. In the hall, other girls didn’t exist and his friends, he hadn’t spoke a word to then all day. School let out at 3:00 and Jake had baseball practice at 3:15. He said bye to Lola and headed straight for the field. Stopping only at his car to grave his bat. Practice that day didn’t go well. His mind was else where. It ended around 5:00. Jake walked through the school and out the front doors. And there sitting on the last step was Lola. Looking off onto the parking lots small sea of cars. She clutched her books as though she was in deep thought. Jake wasn’t sure if he should speak or just keep walking. Suddenly she turned and looked up the steps toward him, she had heard the door close behind him.

“Hi” she said in a calm low tone.

“Hey… what are you still doing here? Everyone’s gone”

“well your not gone..” she replied with a sassy smile.

“very true..”

“Really though, my friend was supposta give me a ride home but he flaked… im contemplating walking” she said with a laugh

“Oh.. well I could give you a ride?” he replied in a nonchalant voice. Although inside he was bursting with joy to have the chance to transport this ethnic princess to her home.

“That would be great…”

She stood up slowly and followed Jake to his small gray Toyota Camry. He opened the passenger door and moved the soda and Gatorade bottles to the back. Closing the door behind her, he took out his keys and headed for the other side. He sat in the drivers seat and started the car all in one motion. The radio started on a instant. The soft sound of classical jazz pulsed through the car. Lola turned with a look of slight amazement.

“Wow… you listen to classical jazz?”

“Well yea. It helps me think and calm’s me after baseball practice?”

“Oh..” She turned and positioned the books on her lap.

They drove through town. Past the Wendy’s and the Piggy Wiggly Mart. It was a smooth drive. Quiet and calm. They stopped at the red light. Jake looked to his left. They were two white women getting ready to walk across, they glanced at Lola then as Jake. There eyes glazed with disgust. Jake revved his engine and they scurried across like rats. At the site of the green light, Jake punched the gas, Lola’s hair bounced. After they got out of the center town Lola gave Jake turn by turn directions. They drove back until they reached the fields.

After a driving on a straight road for a few miles, they reached a small house with a rap around porch in the middle of a large field. It looked like a newly refurbished farm house. Jake pulled up the long road and stopped out front. On the porch they was a little old women in a rocking chair. Her brown skin was the same color as the wood which made it little difficult to distinguish. She had a look of contentment as she started onto the small chocolate boy sitting in the steps. He rolled a toy truck up and down the wind. When they saw the car pull up both of them looked. The boys face brightened in the sun and his smile was made of pure excitement. Lola opened the door and got her books.

“So… I’ll see you tomorrow rite?”

“yup..” she replied

“Do you need a ride?”

“Um sure…that would be such a help?”

“ok… I’ll be here at 7………wait hey is that your little brother?”

“no….. that’s my son”

Lola walked up to the house picking up her small son. She glanced at her grandmother and smiled, heading into the house. Jake looked at the grass in the front of the house, he filled with shock and slight disbelief. He backed out and drove home, slowly. He passed though all the fields and farms and thought. About everything. Everything that was Lola. He decided that she was not a random friend meet by chance. Lola was meant for more. No matter who she was before or what she had done. That didn’t matter, all that mattered was that she was here. And as he drove all he could think of was Lola in the sundress that day in the park, how beautiful she was. And he was glad to be her friend, he hoped one day it would be more. But now, he thought, she probably needed a friend a little bit more.

The next morning Jake was at Lola’s house at 6:59 on the dot.

The End.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Day 5.5

quote i live by:

"paint your heart, speak your mind, write your soul"

Day 5

i woke up today...and became overwhelmed with contentment. but im not sure about what. I think because the sun woke me up, as it streamed through my window...i felt joy in its most pure form. so strings attached. i was inspired:

the simplicity of the sun moved me in a way that spring came to my heart on this new day, i felt the pure and classic joy of everything its defined to be as the sun graced my checks like a pen to a page and the light touched my eyes glistening bright i awakened with contentment of the morning after my darkened night.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Day 4

Today. I went to this mother/daughter brunch at my school. My mom spoke and did a beautiful job at that. I have to say im a little surprised. I wasnt expecting her to do that well,everyone loved her and im soooo proud.
Later on, Me and duneia went to the mall. We shopped and shopped. how exhilarating. When ever i shop i often forget what ever is going on..bad or good. Even if i leave with out a thing [very rare] i just get time to forget and think. after the shopping her mom treated us to cheesecake factory.[yay] and we ate talked laughed. they dropped me off at home with my food and purchases. my brother was over, my parents were out. and i was happy.
shopping always make me happy.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Day 3.5

Best Friends that are 'Bad for no reason'

Sooo im beginning to realize that im truly thankful for my best friends. They get me through the day...i never show it but sometimes im really hurt inside [for numerous reasons] and just to hear one of them crack a dumb joke or just to be at my locker at the end of the day...i feel loved...and i need that. Thanks guys..ur the BEST.!

Ok so me and my friends started this "Crew", called the Bad For NO Reason Crew or better known as the BFNR......... It all started when i decided to come to school one day looking BAD [to make my, at the time new, ex jealous]...needless to say i don't think it worked.ha. but that day we coined the phrase.."bad for no reason" because i looked like a model amongst and since then we have all had our days of looking great with out a sure you've had one too...maybe your part of our crew..

Day 3

Ok. so today...was interesting. I got to school late as usual...missed homeroom. We had mass today..liturgy to "bless" all these million dollar new renovations the had on the school. Class was the same..i stayed awake for the most part. The periods were shortened today to 45mins. now that was a true blessing. chemistry was was changed to study hall because our teacher wanted to go live her life today. ha...ethics unfortunately again did not teach me anything ethical.. and n'aime pas le class.
After school..i wandered around campus with D (best friend)...after about 20mins we found ourselves in the library..i walked in to be overwhelmed by the awkwardness of my ex...luckily he left. I started my homework..i hate homework. eventually D left and i stayed...bored at the table...then i gotta text. my dad was there...finally home...
soo ok i lied my day wasn't that interesting, but u read it. ha.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

color my life, the shades of your soul, so i can know exactly how you feel and what your scared to say. I'll paint the sky with our new found love each and every day. you've got my heart.

Dumb boys and such things.
and so..since im under the age of 18.. boys are a major part of my life.
there dumb, yet im obsessed with them though my past few relationships have been pretty shitty. ex.1- a time when i barley new who i was... and i acted like it. I was shy and only opened up to some. He thought i was pretty. end of story...haha. but really we broke up because he was out going and i wasn't. He flirted in my face..and because i was so shy i just let him. soon after we broke up he moved on but now were really good friend..i mean i tell him everything. secretly he told me he really misses me and wants me back but that's a total other story.
ex.2- now he's a little more recent.. this relationship was very eye opening. Truly i can say it helped me grow. I realized no everyone is your friend, that not all relationships are meant to be and Never! [i repeat] NEVER let yourself be the side girl. so at first he was sooo into me but i was reluctant. Then randomly it was different. I wanted him so bad and he didn't care. long story short he got bored and when we went on a break (breaks are stupid.) he started talking to a "friend" of mines, while we still talked. I tried to win him back, mess around at school, but i soon realized i was the side joint and my "friend" was 'the girlfriend'. I was bitter but ive come to except it, and even though i still unfortunately want him..ive moved on. They are still together to this day...ironically her and i have the same name. (ha FML)
-hopefully my relationships will improve... ive got a new guy tho :) we'll see where it goes...i'll keep u updated

Day 2

Sub-Totals. for 3/17/09

Number of smiles give: 84. Number of laughs: 93. Number of books carried: 10. Number of bells that rang today: 10. Number of pens used: 1. Number of times i sleep in class: 2. Number of hugs give : boys-41 girls-23. Number of times i wished i was somewhere else: 46. Number of times i wished i was with him: 57. Number of colors on my nails: 3. Number of bags carried: 3. Number of candy rappers in bag: 9. Number of periods in a day: 4. Number of times i felt awkward: 7. Number of times i felt stupid: 9. Number of locker: 241. Number of locker combination: 13-47-41. Number of homework assignments: 5. Number of friends: 4. Number of jokes made: 68. Number of times i missed something old: 11. Number of times i wished for summer: 4. Number of scrunches: 2. Number of random writing: 23. Number of wheels on the car that took me home: 4.
[-idea taken form Gregory Burnham.]

Monday, March 16, 2009

day 1.5

most days...i just walk the halls with a smile. i laugh at everything. but truly i only place my feeling on the page. Its hard sometimes. I've come to learn that just because a person is nice to you doesn't mean there a nice person, it just means they have manners. i have about 5 friends, you could call them best. Over the last 2 years Ive grown so much. i am myself. if that makes any since. I mean i know who i am or better yet who i want to become. i am one of the millions of world citizens who would like to famous but id actually just like to be known for something. only hopefully with some luck, hard work and gods grace...i will actually be successful.

So the other day i was in new york for a track meet ( i run track) and i noticed something really random while standing outside the armory...a white pigeon with a two black spots, it was surrounded by gray ones. i took it as a sign ..of what i don't know. but as it stood there in the middle of the sidewalk..i knew it was significant in some way... i often feel like that white bird. and yes i know cliche. but really i do. i know that i am more than what people see and that I'm meant to be out there in the Sky's soring..not pecking at french fries on the street like every other random gray pigeon...but i digress..

day 1

Ok. so i just created this blog and from today on i will be putting up some of my writing..stuff going on in my life..and random thing i like or find interesting. So please read and comment. thanx